Sunday, March 8, 2009
It's a Beautiful Day...
And I feel like crap! I want to go back to bed, curl into a ball and cry the rest of the day away. My mother, bless her heart, has made it quite clear that my daughter is the way she is because of me. The fact that I am nursing her is why she nees to be held all the time...not that anyone has come right out and said that. But I know that's what they think. I am caught in a situation I cannot possibly win. If I leave her cry then I am neglecting her. If I don't let her cry then I am spoiling her. Well, which is it? What am I supposed to do? Maybe because E-Man was so easy going everyone thinks that she is so difficult? She absolutely has far more of an attitude then he did at this age. She was colicky and no one could handle her cry but me. So because I am the one she was with all the time, she has become super attached to me. Now I can't leave the room or be out of her line of vision without there being a total meltdown. I know this...does anyone really think that I need to be told it over and over again? It makes me feel like I have failed as a parent. I want to be able to leave her and go and do things without worrying that she is giving someone else a hard time. I would love to take a shower without having her in the bathroom with me or knowing that she is in the living room screaming bloody murder. It would be lovely to do housework and not have to listen to my ipod so it drowns out her screaming. I do not need to be reminded repeatedly that I need to put her down and let her cry. I do that. Although no one seems to believe me when I say that. Maybe they should ask E-Man - he could tell them that it is hard to watch a show when your little sister won't stop shouting. I feel like I am drowning here and everyone is too busy commenting on my parenting abilities and telling me what I should and shouldn't be doing to even notice. I know this tour is almost over and that I only have to keep it together for 6 more weeks...but if I have to keep hearing what I am doing wrong then I think that I am going to lose my mind. It isn't like I don't know what my downfalls are. I am a terrible housekeeper and I hate to cook. The laundry piles up because I am lazy and we all have far too many clothes to worry about it until it becomes overwhelming. I know that I need to spend less time on the computer and out gallivanting and more time on being "a good wife". But seriously people, I cannot sit here and stare at these 4 walls day and day out. I need to see other people so that I know that there is life out there. I am not cut out to be a hermit and that is what I feel like I have become. And now if it weren't for the fact that I am expected to accomplish a certain number of things today...I would be retreating to my bed to cry and hope the day will end soon. Oh yeah and that crying baby too...
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I know you feel like you're getting opinions from everyone, but here's my two cents anyway. I don't think for one second that your spoiling C-girl by picking her up when she cries. You're responding to her cry. You're telling her that she matters. As for her being clingy, I don't think it has to do with the breastfeeding. Some babies are high-need, others aren't.
ReplyDeleteI can't stand listening to BB cry... I've read so much about attachment parenting that I feel like I'm a terrible mother if I let him cry... so virtually nothing gets done around my house during the day--and he's a fairly easy going baby! And especially if I have company or if I'm visiting someone, in my eyes the crying in unacceptable. If I can't stand hearing my baby cry, I'm sure it must drive everyone else insane! So I'm going to do anything I can to MAKE IT STOP. Whip out the boob, give him a snuggle, let him pull my hair. I don't care. It seems like the right thing. Then my FIL comes to visit and sits there "tormenting" me and saying over and over that I'm spoiling him, blah blah blah. I know he torments everyone, but tormenting me about my parenting abilities that I've only been working on for the last ten months is not acceptable in my eyes. Who the heck is he to make me doubt myself, even for a minute?
Anyway, I'm babbling. Don't stop breastfeeding. Regardless of what the rest of the world might be telling you, I think it's fantastic that you're doing it for your little lady. She's very lucky that you've stuck with it. And as for your house, the mess, the laundry, etc. will still be there when you get the desire to deal with it. I keep telling myself that if people don't want to see it, they don't need to come to my house. :)
xo